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Sonic Warp Ring Races

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1Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Sonic Warp Ring Races Do Mai 24, 2012 8:14 pm

Kira

Kira
Admin

Das ist alles, was ich bisher habe, weiter bin ich heute nicht mehr gekommen...
Nicht wundern Leute, diese Geschichte hat nichts mit unserem Forum oder Harry Potter zu tun, sie ist für einen Wettbewerb auf Deviantart gedacht und ich hoffe, dass ich bis zur Deadline fertig werde...>.<

Hier der Link zur Vor-/und Hintergrundgeschichte bzw. zur Aufgabe, die ich erledigen muss:
http://my.deviantart.com/messages/#/d4sh03t

When the contestants were led into the room where they should get started for the race Flower got her first doubts. Was it really the right thing she was doing? Has it been a good idea of her to sign up for this race to Neo Mobius? Not that she has had a choice after she had lost that stupid bet but now that the race was about to start she felt unsure about the whole situation. She looked at the others and was wondering if they shared her worries. A part of them seemed to be nervous as well but all of them also looked more excited than worried.
The clear voice of the Lycan who has led them into the room brought Flower back to reality and interrupted her doubtful thoughts:
“They've all been cleared. Only thing left now is to send them.“
To Flower the white owl who stood in the middle of the room seemed as insecure about the mission as herself but Flower realized that there was no turning back now that the warp ring was finally set up to its full size. Even though they mentioned that the contestants could quit every time they want to Flower was certain that returning home wouldn't turn out as easy as they claimed it to be. She listened carefully to what the owl had to say, but the speech was suddenly interrupted by the ferret who suddenly appeared behind the owl and shouted:
“onyourmarkgetsetGO!“
Before Flower could think about the meaning of what the ferret had just said the crowd of contestants rushed forward and dragged her with them.
“Wait, I don't feel ready yet!”, Flower wanted to protest, but someone from behind shoved her into the giant Warp Ring. She closed her eyes and got a dizzy feeling for the short time of the teleportation.

Flower suddenly felt rain on her skin and finally opened her eyes again. She couldn't see much in the darkness of the night but the first thing she realized was that she was somewhere in the air surrounded by huge buildings and skyscrapers. Luckily she had instinctively used her wings while her eyes still had been closed so that she was not harmed by the fall to the ground. She looked around to find out if any of the other contestants got hurt but it seemed as if they all recovered very fast and most of them were already on their way to investigate their environment, because one thing was for sure: Wherever they where, this place was not Neo G.U.N. HQ!
Flower was confused and didn't know what to do next. It was obvious that something went wrong with the transportation but what happened exactly? Where were they? The Warp Ring must have dropped them into the middle of a big city but what kind of city?
She looked at the radio transceiver which has been given to them before and tried to contact the judges who had arranged the race. But the only noise she heard from this thing were the voices of many other contestants, filled with fear. It seemed that she wasn't the only one who was confused. The transceiver suddenly went silent for a while. Then the clear voice of Gale the owl sounded out of it:
“My dear contestants, as all of you ought to have noticed by now you are not in front of Neo G.U.N. HQ but in the heart of Imperial City instead. This is because the range of the Warp Ring is more limited than we thought. I am very sorry for any inconveniences you might get into because of this but you have been warned before that this mission could become very dangerous.
We have sent our agents to set up another Warp Ring anywhere in the city which will bring you closer to Neo G.U.N. HQ. Your new goal is to reach it in time for we have no other way to sent you closer to the emerald.
Don't forget to hurry. This is supposed to be a race after all and the Warp Ring won't stay open forever. I will deactivate your transceivers after this message so you really are on your own from now on. Good luck!”
Flower stared at the transceiver as if a ghost had just spoken out of it. Those where bad news and she suddenly felt more helpless than ever before in her life. And knowing that the other contestants probably had an advantage by now – because she was the only one who was still standing at the starting point - didn't make the feeling any better. Flower shook her head because whining about the situation wouldn't help her right now. She should better think of a solution and try to figure out what to do next.
When she decided that it would be the best to fly over the buildings to get a better overview of the city she suddenly heard a siren's wailing probably out of a police car. Flower somehow had the feeling that it would be better not to be seen and hid in a small alley next to her between two of the surrounding buildings and merged with the darkness of the night.
Soon after she did so the police car which caused the noise rushed by. Another one followed but it was much slower and had a megaphone on it's top. Suddenly a loud voice came out of it:
“ATTENTION, ALL CITIZENS! WE GOT INFORMED THAT THIEFES HAVE INVADED OUR CITY! THEY MAY SEEM HARMLESS TO YOU BUT WE ASK YOU TO HELP US! ANY HINT YOU CAN GIVE US WILL BE REWARDED! PLEASE WATCH OUT FOR SUSPICIOUS PEOPLE AND REPORT US ANYTHING THAT APPEARS TO BE IMPORTANT TO YOU!”
Flower couldn't believe what she had just heard. How rude of them to nearly wake up every citizen in the middle of the night with this stupid call! Didn't they notice that most of them are probably asleep at a time like this?
Flower thought about heading after the car to give those policemen a piece of her mind when she recognized the meaning of what they said.
They knew about the 'race' and were warning the citizens to see the contestants as a danger! But how did they find out about all this? Wasn't this mission supposed to be top secret?
However that wasn't important right now. This event showed Flower that it was more important than ever to hurry and to find that Warp Ring because she had already hesitated for too long and had lost precious time.

https://journeythroughdreams.forumieren.com

2Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Do Jun 28, 2012 8:46 pm

Mira

Mira

So etwas spät, aber besser spät als wie nie :)

Kira schrieb:When the contestants were led into the room where they should get started for the raceKOMMA* Flower got** her first doubts. Was it really the right thing she was doing? Has it been a good idea of her*** to sign up for this race to Neo Mobius? Not that she has**** had a choice after she had lost that stupid bet but now that the race was about to start she felt unsure about the whole situation. She looked at the others and was wondering if# they shared her worries. A part of them seemed to be nervous as wellKOMMA## but all of them### also looked#### more excited than worried.
The clear voice of the LycanKOMMA+ who has led them into the roomKOMMA+ brought Flower back to reality and interrupted her doubtful++ thoughts:
“They've all been +++ cleared. Only thing left now is to send them.“
To Flower the white owlKomma++++ who stood in the middle of the roomKOMMA++++ seemed as insecure about the mission as herself~KOMMA~~ but Flower realized that there was no turning back nowKOMMA~~~ that the warp ring was finally set up to its full size. Even though they mentioned that the contestants could quit every time they want toKOMMA~~~~ Flower was certain that returning home wouldn't turn out- as easy as they claimed it to be--. She listened carefully to what the owl had to say, but the speech was suddenly interrupted by the ferret who suddenly appeared behind the owl and shouted:
“onyourmarkgetsetGO!“
Before Flower could think about the meaning of what the ferret had just said--- the crowd of contestants rushed forward and dragged her with them.
“Wait, I don't feel ready yet!”, Flower wanted to protest, but someone from behind shoved her into the giant Warp Ring. She closed her eyes and got a dizzy feeling---- for the short time of the teleportation.

*Bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass da ein Komma hin muss: Satz fängt mit dem Nebensatz an, für gewönhlich kommt dann ein Komma vor den Hauptsatz

**Zweifel (doubts) kann man nur haben (have) und nicht kriegen (get), jedenfalls nicht im Englischen ;)

***Kannst du einfach weglassen, ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob es direkt falsch ist, hört sich ohne den Zusatz aber besser an :)

****Zeitregeln... Du kannst das Past Perfect nicht zweimal hintereinander verwenden, wenn du von Vorzeitigkeit sprichst. Keyword: After -> da ist das Perfekt richtig, davor bleibt es beim Simple Past :) Das has muss weg

#to wonder ist ein "Reporting"-Verb, sprich nach wonder, klingt es einfach besser whether anstelle von if zu benutzten - ist aber nur optional :-)

##Zwei Hauptsätze (zu erkennen an der Konjunktion but) werden mit einem Komma getrennt

###Inhaltliche Frage: Vorher wurde gesagt, dass ein paar von ihnen leicht besorgt aussahen, hier heißt es jedoch, dass alle mehr aufgeregt als nervös waren. Was ist denn gemeint? :)

####Ich kann dir die Regel nicht sagen, aber das looking kommt vor das also. Vielleicht hört es sich auch einfach schöner an...

+Extra-Infos werden mit Kommas abgetrennt, auch im Deutschten ;)

++doubtful heißt 'zweifelhaft', bzw. 'fragwürdig' - ich glaube nicht, dass das gemeint war :D Ich glaube, du kannst das Adjektiv einfach weglassen, mir fällt auch kein schöner Ersatz ein :)

+++They all have been cleard lautet dieser Satz richtig - die Regel weiß ich nicht, ist wohl ähnlich, wie bei ####

++++siehe +

~herself ist falsch, muss aber erst einmal überlegen, was da hinkommt. She/Flower herself wäre richtig, hört sich aber geschwollen an. Ich glaube du kannst herself auch mit she ersetzten, ich hab diese Konstruktion schon mal gehört. Ich persönlich würde wohl her schreiben.

~~Hauptsätze werden mit Kommas voneinander getrennt

~~~99% sicher, dass da ein Komma hinkommt, also nach dem zweiten that

~~~~siehe ~~

-Du hast zweimal im Satz kurz hintereinander das Wörtchen turn, wenn auch einmal in einem anderen Wort verpackt. Um die Wortwiederholung zu vermeiden, kannst du be einsetzten anstelle von turn out einsetzten. Obwohl ich mir sicher bin, dass du hinter turn out in diesem Fall to be stellen müsstest.

--Falsche Form von to be - ich glaube es ist ein Konjunktiv (da bin ich mir jetzt nicht so 100% sicher, könnte auch die indirekte Rede sein) aber es muss auf jedenfall would be heißen

--- So wie's da steht ist es irgendwie falsch. Of the ferrets words wäre richtig :)

---- and felt a little dizzy - sounds better ;)

Für mehr kann ich mich im Moment nicht aufraffen :)
Heute ist ja nicht alle Tage und ich mache weiter, keine Frage :)

3Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Do Jun 28, 2012 9:11 pm

Kira

Kira
Admin

Dankeeeeeeee :3
Das hilft mir wirklich weiter^^
*Mira ganz feste knuddel*
Allerdings brauche ich inzwischen mehr einen Motivationsschub...ich hab nur noch zwei Tage und bin bei Weitem zu langsam...>.<

Egal, hier trotzdem für's erste das, was ich inzwischen weitergeschrieben hab und viel Spaß beim Korrigieren ;P


She made sure that no other police cars were around and flew up. From above the buildings she would have a better sight to the whole city and maybe she could even see that Warp Ring from far away.
When she finally reached the top of the building next to her she had to pause again and coughed hard. The air here in this city was much thicker than in any city on Mobius and the rain also made flying more difficult. If it wasn't for the darkness of the night she would have had an overview over the whole city but now she couldn't see as far as she had wished for.
However somewhere at the horizon she spotted a tiny sparkling light. Could it be the Warp Ring?
At least it was something to start with and so Flower decided that it would be the best to take a look at it. With a little support of her wings it was easy for her to jump over the roofs of the houses but the light was much further away than she thought.
She was so fixated on reaching it though, that she didn't notice where she went. Only when she nearly fell into a hole of the roof she realized that the buildings around her seemed all very unstable and that she was in a kind of construction area.
“I should be more careful...”, she murmured to herself while walking to the edge of the building. Suddenly the noise of the police cars sounded again. But it weren't cars that made the noise, the things that were drawing nearer were flying and looked like some kind of hover cruisers.
Flower wondered if they had followed her all along and quickly looked around for a hiding place. She didn't find anything useful so she lay down and hoped not to be seen. She peeked over the edge and watched while the cruisers passed by. Flower tensely held her breath as one of them stopped just beneath her. But according to the cursing of the police man he just had trouble with the controls of his cruiser. Suddenly Flower lost halt and fell. She had no time to scream or to use her wings and landed right inside of the cruiser. The police man turned around and stared at her with a shocked expression on his face.
“I...I...I'm sorry...I hope I didn't break anything...”, Flower stammered and looked guilty. The police man still looked as if he couldn't believe what had just happened.
“You! You have to be one of those thieves! They warned us against you!”, he shouted. Flower was glad that the other police cruisers were already out of sight and shook her head.
“No. I am no thief. I would never steal anything. I am only here because-” She stopped as she noticed that some bricks where she had stood before were loose.
“Watch out!”, she screamed but it was already too late. The police man couldn't react in time and one of the stones hit his head.
“Oh my god!” Flower jumped to his side and felt his pulse. He was unconsciousness but at least he wasn't dead. Flower looked at the several buttons and switches on the control panel.
“I have to take him to a hospital – if something like that does exist in this weird world - but how do I fly this thing?” She tried one of the buttons and winced because suddenly the cruiser fired a laser out of the front cannon.
“Whoops...that was the wrong button...I guess...” Flower was glad that she hadn't caused any damages with it and after several other failures she finally knew how the thing worked and could continue her mission.

https://journeythroughdreams.forumieren.com

4Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Sa Jun 30, 2012 10:54 am

Kira

Kira
Admin

Sorry für den Doppelpost^^"
Mira? Darf ich dir zu Ehren einen random police man 'Hewitt' nennen? :3

https://journeythroughdreams.forumieren.com

5Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Sa Jun 30, 2012 2:43 pm

Mira

Mira

Sicher, ich fühle mich geehrt Ugly Engel

6Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Sa Jun 30, 2012 3:20 pm

Kira

Kira
Admin

Danke ;)
*Mira knuddel*
Uwaaaah, die Zeit rennt mir davon!!! D:
Noch 7 Stunden; ich bin am Tippen wie bekloppt und komme trotzdem nicht voran xD
Ich habe die Fehler übrigens alle korrigiert, nur den einen Satz “They've all been cleared. Only thing left now is to send them.“ möchte ich so falsch lassen, wie er ist, weil es sich um ein Zitat handelt^^"

https://journeythroughdreams.forumieren.com

7Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Sa Jun 30, 2012 4:13 pm

Mira

Mira

Oke :)
Uff du, ich würd gern weiter machen, aber irgendwie ist mein Hirn heute Matsch...

8Sonic Warp Ring Races Empty Re: Sonic Warp Ring Races Sa Jun 30, 2012 4:34 pm

Kira

Kira
Admin

Kein Ding ;)
Ich hab sowieso irgendwie das Gefühl, dass der Contest abgesagt wird, weil die andern alle genauso faul waren wie ich und es jetzt kaum mehr rechtzeitig schaffen...
Egaaal, die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt! Ich schaff das! Ich werde heute fertig! Ich werde...öhm...verdammt...End Run endet auch am Sonntag...zeichnen muss ich dann ja auch noch...hoppla...na wenigstens hab ich den Bericht gestern erledigt, für den die Deadline ebenfalls der Sonntag war...müssen die Leute immer alle Deadlines auf EIN EINZIGES Wochenende legen? Und ich spamme grade, ich spamme gern, es ist eh mein eigener Thread xD

https://journeythroughdreams.forumieren.com

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